One of the most difficult things any man may have to face in a relationship is infidelity. The question that comes following this is how do I forgive her for cheating.

It’s never expected or easily accepted that women are sometimes just as likely to cheat as men are. Right or wrong, we still live in a society where it is not only expected but almost accepted that men will cheat and if women do the same, it becomes a huge problem. Maybe, for this reason, men tend to take for granted the role they have to play in order to reduce a woman’s desire to cheat.




Why Cheat?

Let’s not focus too much on the general reasons as to why women cheat. In a situation where you’re wondering how to forgive her for cheating, what you need to focus on is why SHE cheated and more importantly if she is actually sorry she did and wants to be forgiven. Of course, if she is not sorry then there’s nothing to forgive and you need to just move on with your life but if she wants to work things out then there’s hope.

Honesty is going to be incredibly important at this point in the relationship. You both need to be prepared to get hurt and possibly hurt each other with the truth but it is necessary to establish whether or not a future together is a possibility.

Communication is Key

First of all, talk with her. If you are going to forgive her for cheating, communication is going to be vitally important in a situation like this. When you talk, make sure it’s just the two of you with no distractions. No phones, no TV, no laptop/tablet, etc. Just you and her having an intimate conversation and that’s when you really find out why she cheated. You can begin to rebuild your relationship from this point.

When she explains the reason, try and look at things objectively and see if you can take any responsibility for what happened. This all depends on the reason of course. Let’s say for example she says she cheated because she felt neglected and being taken for granted, you can look to take some responsibility here by acknowledging that you could do more to make her feel more wanted.

This does not mean that you are agreeing that cheating was a legitimate response to the situation, there is no justification for cheating when you are in a committed relationship, but this is you saying that if you as a couple are going to get beyond this, then you are willing to be involved in the rebuilding of the relationship. What you want to avoid doing is creating a situation where she feels like she is indebted to you because of this mistake. That would not be a healthy perspective to take in the relationship.

In time

The context of the affair will be important as well. Was it just a one-off, insignificant fling or were there feelings involved. The general belief is that if a woman cheats, there’s normally feelings involved as woman are not as capable of having just sex as men are. This is a myth. Women can engage in casual sex if they choose to so it’s important to establish if feelings were involved and if there were, how to manage them going forward. If she has made a choice to be with you, respect that but don’t expect the feelings for the other lover to just go away overnight.

It’s tricky to give general advice to the question how do I forgive her for cheating as every situation will be unique with its own relationship history and as such will require a unique approach but a few key things to keep in mind is to be open and honest, have genuine relationship focused conversations and be prepared to shoulder some of the responsibility for rebuilding the trust in the relationship.




3 Comments

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  2. It’s so hard to get over this kind of pain though. Once you’ve been scarred like this it’s hard to let go of the pain and trust again.

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